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12/29/09 10:09 pm - [info]ripyouopen

The sweet pretty things are in bed now of course
The city fathers they're trying to endorse
The reincarnation of Paul Revere's horse
But the town has no need to be nervous



I just realized I really only use this to bitch and moan about everything. But that's what makes me interesting, right?

I'm thinking about going inpatient again. Mostly because I haven't been able to get myself back on my feet on my own, and if insurance is paying for it, why not accept the extra help? I need to keep reminding myself that it doesn't mean that I'm a failure, and I need to stop using the stupid old excuse that "I'm not sick enough." This will be a -preventative- inpatient stay so that I don't get to where I was two years ago.
Which was totally nonfunctioning, btw.

I have so much anger lately that I don't know what to do with. I've become an adult without knowing that anger is a normal and acceptable emotion, nor have I been taught how to properly express it or deal with it. I was never allowed to be angry growing up; if I ever did have a rare meltdown or tantrum, I was always disproportionately punished for it. So now I bottle it up until there's no more room and I explode. KABOOM big huge mess of me all over the kitchen floor. And then I get told I'm being too dramatic and more screaming ensues so I need to get out of here or find some way to convince the people in my life that I'm allowed to be angry.

I hate so many things and quite a few people that I can't write about in here. But fortunately for me, and I'm quite proud of myself for doing so, I've started writing in a notebook again. I've gotten over my fear of my mother reading what I have to say, because she cannot stay away for the life of her, and my fear that what I'm writing just isn't good enough which is RIDICULOUS because it's my fucking journal and anything that comes out of my pen is good enough for me.

I really admire Bob Dylan as a poet, I would like to emulate him, and he now watches me while I sleep.

Now I wish I could write you a melody so plain
That could hold you dear lady from going insane
That could ease you and cool you and cease the pain
Of your useless and pointless knowledge

12/29/09 06:53 am - [info]starpowerrr



Whenever I'm not in school, I immediately fall into the habit of staying up until all hours of the night. It's ridiculous. Yesterday I was awake until 8 AM and slept til 2PM. Right now it is 6AM. It's amazing how midnight turns into 3AM so quickly. But I did a lot tonight! I made 3 felt pillows for Matt, Andrew, and Adam. I will give Adam and Andrew there's when they come over for New Years. :)


I thought the bows were cute, I hope the boys think it's cute too. D:

Today I went shopping to spend the rest of my Forever21 gift card, and I got some jeans, a couple tank tops, a pink long sleeve shirt, and a white cardigan with some fancy designs. I'm trying to wear more pink and white, I used to wear it all the time! Now I wear mostly black, and I miss the cute colors.

More pictures under the cut. )

And here are my new nails! (Even though I just made a pair two days ago.) I am on a nail frenzy. Oh well! The Konad Nail Stamp Set is at the UPS, they are going to redeliver it tomorrow so hopefully I will catch it. And I will probably make ANOTHER set of nails before I even get the chance to wear these out!

12/27/09 03:58 pm - [info]dont_speak_13 - I am the most talentless person

in the entire fucking world. pardon me while i go die.

12/27/09 04:46 am - [info]starpowerrr



I'm going to start making some of my entries public from now on!
(Mostly everything that isn't too personal, but I rarely post personal information anyhoo.)



New nails! I love them to pieces. I got some glitter from the craft store and I sprinkled it onto the nails for the really glittery effect.



Andy, [info]octopunani, got me the star shaped confetti(?) nail decorations for Christmas! I have actually been trying to find little confetti's like that for so long now to use on my nails. I was so excited to see them and I couldn't wait to make new nails. :)


I will finally be able to wear my nails again on a more regular basis, since I did not keep my job at Newbury past seasonal. It is really bittersweet. Today was my last day. I knew it would be nice to keep the job, and be making a little money, and it was a fun job, but I was really nervous about juggling school and a job, and I don't really need the job, so I decided I wouldn't be torn either way if I kept it or lost it. As much as I talked about how much I wanted to keep it, I'm not that upset that I was let go. I know it's not personal. I'm happy for the girl they did keep, Nikki. I know they made the right choice.
I'm just most upset that I missed out on so many things I wanted to do because I wanted to keep the job so much, and in the end I decided I didn't care anymore, and I was let go.

Using my 30% off discount one last time, I got these three items:



I love these books! I found them on the top shelf near the comics, and I flipped open to a page with a comic of two little bunnies that started "Did you know we would die if we didn't have cute things in the world?" and I knew I had to have them! They are really cute, a mix of little random comics, and photo comics using handmade plushes, and other photos and drawings that are just...cute.





Do any of you have more information about these little books?
Are there more volumes, or any other spin-offs?



I got a Merlotte's Bar and Grill shirt because I do love True Blood a lot.
I love that Fangtasia is in Shreveport, Louisiana, my dad lives in Shreveport, Louisiana!


I need some sun! I have been trying to take decent photos of my drawings for my Etsy for days now but the natural lighting has been so dull lately that I'm not satisfied with my photos. I had my mind set on posting photos instead of scans, but I am getting so impatient with the light. It's like pulling teeth, trying to make my camera take good quality, pretty photos.

Here are some of the reject photos.





More to come about the Etsy, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for sunshine so I can take nice photos.

12/26/09 03:30 am - [info]starpowerrr





Christmas was nice. Only I was really upset to wake up to the fire alarm all through out the apartment building, because one of the dryers was smoking in the laundry room?

Matt and I saw Sherlock Holmes! That was really good. We saw a trailer for Iron Man 2 and that looks like it's going to be awesome.

I found my camera! Actually Matt found my camera, I am so happy!



Pictures! )


The package my mom sent to my house from Modcloth got sent back to the Modcloth warehouse because my apartment number was not on it! I emailed the Modcloth support so hopefully they will get back to me and they can ship it back to my apartment, I would even paying the extra shipping.

Has this ever happened to anyone, and anyone want to tell me what happened/how it got resolved?



I hope you all had a great holiday, whichever one you celebrate, or even if you don't celebrate at all, I hope you are having a nice winter. :)


My Etsy should be up soon now, I have to take pictures of my drawings and then set the thing up. I didn't get set up as soon as I had hoped, but it is almost there!

12/26/09 02:27 am - [info]emeralize

"Sing," Theresa says. "Sing happy things"
"Sing," Theresa says if I do everything.
One day a man will spring worth loving.

12/25/09 08:38 pm - [info]permastic - crazy people

Miksi ihmiset aina niin ilkeä on LiveJournal? En todellakaan ymmärrä...kuin oikeasti? Rauhoitu...

I just really don't understand it at all.
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12/25/09 12:00 am - [info]dont_speak_13 - you can have me..

but afterwards hold me. then you can forget all about me.

12/24/09 01:21 am - [info]emeralize

I had already seen more of the world, it's beauty and misery and sheer surprise, than they could hope or fear to perceive. But I knew one thing. That people who denied who they were or where they had been were in the greatest danger. They were blind sleepwalkers on tightropes, fingers scoring thin air. So I let them go, got up and walked away, knowing I'd given something up I could never get back.

12/22/09 04:44 am - [info]starpowerrr



This weekend I got 50% off everything at Newbury Comics (only for employees) up to $250 before the discount, so I did my shopping for Matt for Christmas. Saturday was a tournament, but I couldn't go because I had to work. So instead, Matt went with Adam and Andrew, and then Andrew stayed the night that night. We beat Mario Brothers Wii! The final boss was so frustrating!

I have lost my camera and I can't find it, so I had to use Matt's camera to take a photo of my new nails. It's a bad photo, I know. I wish I could find my camera!



Pictures from this weekend. )

I have more stuff I could show you buuut I can't find my camera at all so maybe another time.

Also I don't know how many of you have heard about this, but there is going to be a new series of Dunnys featuring all female artists! I am soooo excited! It's called "Femme Fatale".


(Click to Enlarge)

The Koralie looks GORGEOUS and the Junko Mizuno one looks pretty cool. The picture of it looks kindof strange, ngl, but it will probably be awesome in real life, because Junko Mizuno always makes awesome things. Also the Amanda Visell is so cute. The @my Ruppel will probably be awesome but it's hard to see the designs on it. Also, TARA MCHPHERSON.

I am pretty psyched for all of them except for Alexandra Andersen and Sara Varon, what I don't even know who they are and their designs are pretty weak.


Matt told me this weekend that he wants to get me my Snow White half-sleeve when he gets his tax return in January. I am sooo floored and happy and excited! He is the best. I have shown this a couple times before, but this is what I am getting, colored of course:


Pictures are now deleted.

12/21/09 09:19 pm - [info]veryytrulyyours - Day 25

Hearing my sister play the piano downstairs gives me this deep ache in the pit of my stomach. There is such nostalgia for me in the pieces she plays these days, and I wish it was the good kind.

Tonight after teh womens' meeting, one of the older women with years and years of sobriety approached me and remarked on what I had shared. Said there was joy and light deep down beneath all the things I have spent years defining myself by. Grabbed my hand and asked how many days I had, told me to keep coming.

Wow. Tim just im'ed me and I might have a panic attack.

12/19/09 11:08 am - [info]dont_speak_13 - december twenty third

12/18/09 03:58 pm - [info]dont_speak_13 - they are giving me the creeps.

12/18/09 03:17 am - [info]starpowerrr - so much lady gaga in this post



Hello there it's 3AM and I'm drawing for my Etsy which I'm definitely going to start probably by the middle of next week! Here is a ~sneak peek~ of some things I've been doing for it.





Little Lady Gaga drawings! I will obviously have clearer pictures later, but this is all you get for now.

I know all of you obviously aren't Lady Gaga fans, but I know those of you who are would appreciate them! I have plans to do some Disney princess stuff, and I'm going to figure out a way to sell "customs" as in there is a general template of a drawing but you can tell me what you'd like it to be (like little portraits, for example) because that's what I like to do the most. I have some other ideas as well, you'll just have to wait and see.

As for nails, I may put some designs up there and see how they do. I'm mostly just nervous about how sizing goes. How would you guys do it? I know some sites just have 3 sizes (small, medium, large) but I was thinking it would probably be better to ask people to measure their nails for me? I don't know what to do.


I made some new nails that I'm really excited to show you guys, they'll probably be my first ones in my Etsy. Tomorrow Matt and I are going to play DDR (With Adam, I think? Adam, is this true?) and Adam and Andrew should be staying over. I know at least Adam is. There is a tournament on Saturday, but I have to work. :( So they will go, while I work.



OH I got a GIANT Lady Gaga poster from my work! It's almost as big as me. It's the picture of her getting out of the water in Poker Face, when she kneels down and looks wicked badass with the mirror mask, and it says LADY GAGA THE FAME MONSTER and then it has a picture of The Fame Monster in the corner. (It was a promotional poster, so it has the price of the Fame Monster and stuff on it.) I'll take a picture tomorrow!

It's this picture:

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12/17/09 11:45 am - [info]veryytrulyyours - redone

It is raining and it is cold and it is spring.
If memories lifted like the fog on the trees it'd be easier.
The bare beauties stand tall and ashamed--naked; the wind takes its toll.

I stand defiantly, but I bite my lip as I proceed to unwravel.

I watch the road.

The old stone walls run so far back and wide into the woods--short and sedentary,
keeping watch over the ground, and watching in awe under the moon.

I have miles to go.
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